Chapter 1. A Reflection on Love

Love moves in mysterious ways… I kept hearing this phrase for as long as I can remember. Anyway, who wouldn’t when it has been in the airwaves for quite some time, thanks to Nina’s belting rendition of it. But, what keeps plaguing my not so active mind is the line itself. Does love really move in mysterious ways? HOW?!!! How would we know what we feel is the real thing…

When it comes to giving advice on just about anything under the sun, particularly matters of the heart, I’m the guru. It didn’t happen overnight but I think my knowledge about these things accumulated from multitude of romance novels I’ve read since time in memorial, so to speak…

Over the years, I have heard all the heart-related problems that could probably last me a lifetime, these coming from friends, relatives, neighbors and even just by watching the boob tube. Its like, everywhere I turn, people are plagued with this unexplained phenomenon. I think its some kind of a disease that attacks the heart, which is the hub of our very being but to them, it is popularly known as LOVE. Then again, I wonder… is this contagious? What are the symptoms of those affected by it? Is there a cure? How can we stop it? I know that even the medical society is in awe of this phenomenon and associated it with just over active hormones. But then again, my quest for answers is still left unsated and even more worked up on uncovering its mystery.

As I keep hearing these things, my mind was also racing into overdrive. If people are so pathetically driven to almost madness then why the hell did they let themselves go through with it in the first place? I mean, there is this proverbial adage that says, “ you learn from your mistakes”, which from what I understand is, making one is quite understandable, but in succession? I say that’s absurd. It’s either your being stupid or just plain dumb. This so-called heart disease can really render a normal person to think and act beyond logic, which would make them likely candidates for the loony bin. What’s more, a month was even dedicated to these emotionally crippled souls, which as I observed, makes all people infected act quite beyond comprehension. What so special about it? I mean, it’s just like any ordinary day, but then why treat it as such?

Funny how it seems, but the powers that be provided me the answers I was craving and they were not kind. I guess they dealt me according to the way I’ve criticized and make light of other people’s perception of it. They may be thinking, “ let’s give her a dose of this and let’s see how she handles it”. Boy, they really got me going. I experienced the first giddy rush of excitement as I came to admire the make up of the male species. Euphoria sets in and you get to enjoy every contact and value conversations unlike anything you’ve ever had.

However, this doesn’t come for free and when reality sets in, it can really bite. Even though how very strong you think you feel, inevitable circumstances are thrown in your path. More so when you are asked to make choices, which would likely, make or break you. Life is a path that isn’t laden with bed of roses but is equipped with thorns, not just rocks.. but boulders. I have crossed this path and it had me wishing that God didn’t trust me this much…

From what I have learned, making the right choices and doing the right thing is very much a challenge. It has to be done with utmost care because feelings are involved and that someone is bound to be hurt one way or the other. What’s more difficult is when both parties have built a foundation based on friendship, which is the very reason the decision is critical. So much is at stake… Looking back, a friend sent me a message and it says “ if I were to make a choice between finding happiness despite the wrongness of the situation or the right one but end up miserable, what will it be?” then again it got me thinking. The message was really an eye opener and a choice will have to be made for the sake of the ones that I feel strongly about. At that moment, I can’t even think straight… How can something feel so good be equally wrong? It’s so unfair… But then, despite these thoughts racing through my mind, I asked myself. “ Can a person be truly and completely happy knowing another person is bound to get hurt by these action? By any chance, are these feelings strong enough to start a new chapter and withstand the test of time or is it just a fleeting-fancy to be discarded once boredom sets in? “Will he go back to where he once been?” “If and when I let go, how would he take it?” “Will it be like it was before?”. These are just few of the many questions that people so much crave for answers…

Some happened to succumb to this feeling and paid no heed to what may ensue from this course. Enjoy when you can and Endure when you must. But then, this isn’t me. All I have ever yearned for is someone who would likely return my feelings with equal or if not, more intensity because I wouldn’t want it any less. Why can’t I have the one thing I really want? For once, I want someone to call my own. Call it selfishness on my part, but I can’t bear the thought of having to share what’s supposed to be mine with somebody else. That is the one thing I can’t tolerate.

Looking back, I remember the questions I have raised and came up with the answers. Love comes when we least expect it and is full of surprises. The reason behind the expression falling in love is that you are not forced to fall. You just FALL. No amount of barriers can stop it from spreading and even the strongest of walls isn’t enough to impede its way. It comes in different forms and you won’t recognize it even if it hit you right between the eyes, which is also the reason why most of mankind are left blind, hypothetically. It’s because the vision is somewhat clouded, making one see beauty in the entirety of the being and along with it comes acceptance of its imperfections.

What’s ironic in this game is that, you had to hold when you need to hold on and hold on when you need to let go. However complicated it may seem, it is not easily destroyed by a failure nor won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture of learning and which we shouldn’t be scared to invest on.

On falling out of love, take some time to nurse back old wounds and get right back on the horse. However, don’t make the same mistake of riding the one that threw you the first time.

Loving someone means giving the person the freedom of finding his or her way whether it leads towards you or otherwise. You shouldn’t resolve to use force for it will only bring forth grief and misery. Despite tumbling over and over, never harbor fear for after every storm, a rainbow always brightens the sky.